Cement + mouth = Crazy weekend
It's been a wild and OFF THE CHAIN Saturday! Let me relay the exciting events of my weekend that, as previously stated, was OFF THE CHAIN!
I first woke up at 10:00 AM in my appartment, even though I had originally set it for 6:30. Normally I would jog down to the carpet store, get a few extra carpet squares and go sliding down my neighbor's compost pile on them with Frank Allan. This is a very fun activity, but people sometimes say that it is unhealthy and that rotten bananas are all over my clothes. Some people are just party-poopers!
Anyway, I was very thrown off because I forgot that I had set my alarm ring to "Nails Scratching on a Chalk Board" from "Elephant sitting on a Beaver". I finally woke up and turned off my alarm. Then I saw Frank Allan: he had been barking like crazy and running in circles! He must have really liked the loud noises of chalk board scratching alot, because as soon as I stoped it, he fell down on the floor. I turned it back on to chear him up, and sure enough, he started right back happily running in circles and barking his head off.
Then I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I poured on the tooth paste, becuase my dentist told me a few days ago that I should probablly get some white teeth and have at least one thing going for me. So I start brushing my teeth and doing my teeth brush dance when I realize that my tooth paste is a little goofy and that it tastes alot like cement. Then I realized that I forgot that I was making cement sculptures the night before in the bathroom, and that I had acidentally laid it right by the tooth paste bottle! The next thing I knew, my jaws were cemented together. I laughed because Joe at the office kept telling me to do that. I decided to call Joe right then.
Ring...
"Hey Joe!"
"What?"
"Hey Joe, it Bernard McArthy!"
"What? Bernard?"
"Yea!"
"You sound like a retarded man with sand in his mouth!"
"Cool! I cemented my jaws together!"
"What?"
"I cemented my jaws togher!"
"Bernard, can you do me a favor?"
"Kill yourself."
"Joe, you're funny! Want to hang out today? We can get pancakes!"
"Yea, I can't understand you."
"Haha! Joe, you're funny."
"Bernard, stop calling me."
Joe didn't seem to like the idea of pancakes, so I went by myself. I orderd an extra large pancake with strawberries, but the waiter gave me 23 glasses of syrup. I don't think he spoke very good english. I hapilly tried to drink the syrup any way, but the cement in my jaws got in the way. A kid pointed to me and asked my mom why I had a brink in my mouth and syrup all over my clothes. She said I was probablly drunk.
I spent the rest of the day watching a documentary on Manatees. I'm getting pretty thirsty, but I have to drink through my nose until I get this cement out. I think I might get a jackhammer or something tommorow. Frank Allan isn't doing so well either. I think he ate a little too much of my left over syrup.
Catch you later,
Bernard Mcarthy
I first woke up at 10:00 AM in my appartment, even though I had originally set it for 6:30. Normally I would jog down to the carpet store, get a few extra carpet squares and go sliding down my neighbor's compost pile on them with Frank Allan. This is a very fun activity, but people sometimes say that it is unhealthy and that rotten bananas are all over my clothes. Some people are just party-poopers!
Anyway, I was very thrown off because I forgot that I had set my alarm ring to "Nails Scratching on a Chalk Board" from "Elephant sitting on a Beaver". I finally woke up and turned off my alarm. Then I saw Frank Allan: he had been barking like crazy and running in circles! He must have really liked the loud noises of chalk board scratching alot, because as soon as I stoped it, he fell down on the floor. I turned it back on to chear him up, and sure enough, he started right back happily running in circles and barking his head off.
Then I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I poured on the tooth paste, becuase my dentist told me a few days ago that I should probablly get some white teeth and have at least one thing going for me. So I start brushing my teeth and doing my teeth brush dance when I realize that my tooth paste is a little goofy and that it tastes alot like cement. Then I realized that I forgot that I was making cement sculptures the night before in the bathroom, and that I had acidentally laid it right by the tooth paste bottle! The next thing I knew, my jaws were cemented together. I laughed because Joe at the office kept telling me to do that. I decided to call Joe right then.
Ring...
"Hey Joe!"
"What?"
"Hey Joe, it Bernard McArthy!"
"What? Bernard?"
"Yea!"
"You sound like a retarded man with sand in his mouth!"
"Cool! I cemented my jaws together!"
"What?"
"I cemented my jaws togher!"
"Bernard, can you do me a favor?"
"Kill yourself."
"Joe, you're funny! Want to hang out today? We can get pancakes!"
"Yea, I can't understand you."
"Haha! Joe, you're funny."
"Bernard, stop calling me."
Joe didn't seem to like the idea of pancakes, so I went by myself. I orderd an extra large pancake with strawberries, but the waiter gave me 23 glasses of syrup. I don't think he spoke very good english. I hapilly tried to drink the syrup any way, but the cement in my jaws got in the way. A kid pointed to me and asked my mom why I had a brink in my mouth and syrup all over my clothes. She said I was probablly drunk.
I spent the rest of the day watching a documentary on Manatees. I'm getting pretty thirsty, but I have to drink through my nose until I get this cement out. I think I might get a jackhammer or something tommorow. Frank Allan isn't doing so well either. I think he ate a little too much of my left over syrup.
Catch you later,
Bernard Mcarthy
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